jewel mlnarik

1. sign up for Aikido seminar – if you pay enough money while you are unemployed you will guilt trip yourself into going

2. go to Aikido seminar – ok, so you’ve already paid and taken Friday night off … but Saturday morning you find yourself wanting to skip it anyway. (maybe you can say you were sick and get a refund?) the hardest part is getting started.

3. breathe

4. don’t listen to techno – you’ve made it through the morning and first 1.5 hr session. you’ve eaten a high-carb lunch in preparation for the next 3 hrs. keep the energy levels up and skip out on the techno in the local coffee shop.

5. attend all sessions – ok, so you stumbled on the techno by accident and find yourself tired again. no matter what, close the laptop and go back.

How’d your trip go? Was it everything you expected?

I cannot count the number of times I’ve been asked these questions. After my first return to the aikiki after four long months my response to the common questions shifts, accommodating the changes I notice in my Aikido practice

I look nage and uke in the eye. I later recall that I breathe without need of reminding. My body wants practice and my mouth holds back on muttering, a sign that my mind has let go of “right” and “wrong” and all I understood is practice, play.

Today I go to Aikido for the second time since my return. I easily mute myself as I feel the words slipping from my tongue. Instead of verbal corrections, I select a piece of form or technique for my body and mind to focus on. As nage during the Jo practices, I search for grace and confidence in sidestepping, as the long stick thrusts towards my torso. (Any moment of hesitation and injury is certain.) As uke, I press for firm and maintained connection and awareness of my ma-ai. I surprise myself when I “see” both nage and a fellow student taking ukemi and am able to switch the direction of my roll to avoid collision.

So what does my more relaxed and confident poise and awareness in action say about my trip?